I have been so blessed. As I let friends know about Jason's possible relocation, there has been an outpouring of encouragement. My dear friend Sara C. gave me a thought that I have latched onto, perhaps more than any other. She wrote, "You didn't have the rug swiped from under you, but you were just asked to step aside so it could be rearranged." What a perfect way to look at a seemingly unwanted situation.
First, to clarify, Jason's only received notification, which means it's not truly 100% certain he will have to leave. Most of the boxes have been checked off, leaving one or two that need checking.
I'm not sure what to pray for...that he can't go or that he can. Jason's division is undergoing changes, consequently, so is his position. The new job in Biloxi puts him on the team that is writing the curriculum for this new position. To be moved onto this team is a huge honor for Jason and will be a wonderful addition to his resume.
How can I be selfish and pray it doesn't happen? I could, but I can't. I suppose this is where compromise comes into a relationship. Compromise, flexibility...letting God lead...up until now my life has truly, always been about me. My ministry. I've done everything I said I would do. I've taught both art and English, coached volleyball and basketball, in a year I will have finished my masters and I've actually been a school counselor for over two years. I always thought I'd have a family after all of that is finished. I also have had aspirations of working at the collegiate level as well. I want to create jewelry and I want get all of my pictures into albums that tell the story of this journey I've been on for thirty years.
It's not all about me any longer.
I don't know what this change will bring. I can't say it's going to bring a move for me. I can't say it even means a move for Jason yet. It does mean I need to revise my vision of my future. Or at least make myself open to the possibility that I'm not the one leading. I'm not the one rearranging.