Sunday, May 18, 2008


One of our teachers, Remkea, did a chapel on the word "commence" and how it means the beginning and the end...she talked about how we need to throw off our old selves and begin living our lives not how we want to, but how God wants to.

I like to consider myself a godly woman. However, I all too often fall into the traps of living a life that is contradictory to that idea. There are so many things I need to throw off.

I've started to try a little harder, to pray a little more about it because really, I will never be able to throw off my old self on my own. That's giving myself way too much power.

The Holy Spirit can...and He's working on it. So now I'm going through the stretching and growing process. As I'm sure you are all aware, stretching and growing can hurt. I get pouty, or indignant, about it because it means not doing things that I want to do. That everyone else is doing (THAT sounds like my 95 teenagers!).

Actually, sometimes I feel like I'm far to close in life to where they are...the biggest difference is that I too often knowingly make bad choices and shrug it off with a, "That's my choice and I'll deal with the consequences when they come." Rather than just not always understanding the natural consequences of my actions. Teenagers often know when they're making the wrong choices, they just don't understand and appreciate what the natural consequences will be.

Right now I'm wondering if not going to morning worship and using our afternoon Baccalaureate service as my worship service is a bad choice. It's a selfish decision and one wrought with excuses. We had our choir concert last night, I went to a friend's to play games, and then I stopped by a bar to check in with some friends I hadn't seen in a month. I got in at 2ish and when I woke up and I had a headache and just wanted to have a relaxing morning. I didn't drink or anything last night, so it's not like it's a morning recovering from festivities. The headache is the excuse, the rest is just selfish.

I don't know. Is that wrong? I know that it is because I'm trying to justify it all over the place.

Argh...I fell again.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Welcome to the selfish club. I think that I'm president most of the time - unless I'm sharing, which is probably not the case! God's been telling me how to become more mature in my faith and it's hard. I'd rather justify my's easier.

but not really in the long run.
praying through the time of growth,